lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
