I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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