Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
