you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
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