I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
wow bdsm is so cute
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