I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize