i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
