Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
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