i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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