Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
