Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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