god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize