You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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