all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
I did not marry a roomba.
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