He is such a slut. More and more my type.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
