If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I have fence marks all over my body
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
