No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
