If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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