no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
