An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
it was like eating out sand paper
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
