My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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