Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Randomize