i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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