People in love make me want to vomit
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
false alarm, still single
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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