I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
