Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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