Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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