I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
