lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I could make wine with my vomit
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
