you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
