i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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