My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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