I'm jealous of your bromance
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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