why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
