Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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