not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
