ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
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