the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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