here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
