So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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