CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
your like the ambassador to my penis.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
