Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
