Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
