Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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