Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
