Do you still have your period?
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
