we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
We just shotgunned beers for America
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
