I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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