I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
