I am in a vortex of obligation.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
