I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
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