you would pick up someone in the library
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
