Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
