Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
they're like a gay fantastic four
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
