She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
