conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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