Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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