Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Randomize
