well I can't set my house on fire every night
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
