You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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