i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Shame - the story of my life.
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