first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Randomize