Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
