What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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