He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
my liver is dry heaving
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
