are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
