if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
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