TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
