omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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