You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
