i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
