I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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