WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
